What my new relationship has taught me about me…

So, I have a new boyfriend after a LLLOOOOOONNNNGGGG hiatus from relationships. I never thought I honestly would find anyone after a while but this has been a pleasant surprise especially with the way things have been going, Its been about 6 months since I met my boyfriend and although the beginning was super lovey dovey, I think our phase has worn out very quickly. It’s been very interesting dating in my 30’s than it was when I was in my 20’s and with my 31’st birthday rapidly approaching here is some key things my new relationship taught me.

1. I didn’t know what real compromise was until I got into this relationship. I get pushed everyday to compromise on something. Rather its a difference in opinion, why he hasn’t called me in hours, or why he has an attitude, its pretty much compromise every single day. I never thought it would be like that be here we are at compromise road.
2. When someone really likes you, there’s no such thing as taking it slow. I believe I spent the majority of my 20’s believing men always wanted to take it slow. Honestly, if someone really likes you, thats not gonna happen. He literally put me on the fast track as soon as we started dating. I literally met his best friend on our first date, was invited out of town for his bday within a month of knowing him, met his mother 2 months after dating, and met all of his friends. I was shocked because literally every guy I was with in my 20’s never moved liked this. But to be honest with myself now, these guys probably didn’t see a future with me and I settled for that shit. How lame!
3. Marriage talk is nice when the man brings it up first. I NEVER in my life had a man bring up marriage to me first. Honestly, I thought it would freak me out but I liked it. It was natural to talk about marriage with him in particular. We talked about wedding dresses and what kind of wedding we wanted to have, all within a month of knowing each other. DATE SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE MARRIED especially if you want to get married too.
4. Abstaining from sex was the best decision I made for this relationship. We did not have sex for 4 months and I truly enjoyed not having sex. I wasn’t tainted by sex, I really got to know him for who he was. I think sometimes sex makes things appear more solid than they really are. I wanted a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP and not just sex. It made my relationship everything I wanted it to be.

We are a relatively new couple but in this short amount of time I have learned a lot about who I am. I say wait until you turn 30 to seriously date! I am dating with intention and it honestly is a breathe of fresh air. I cant wait for the next 6 months to see where we are! Rooting for all of us to close out 2020 in a better space. Peace, love, and happiness.

Why I turned my back on Good Deeds Dede…A Re-evaluation of this blog

Hi all you cats and kittens (sorry I have been watching a lot of Tiger King).

So I have been gone for quite some time and have turned my back a little on my blog. I never knew what I really wanted as an overall goal for my blog. I have had so many life lessons in my 30 years here and learned so many things. But still was having a hard time practicing what I preach. Life is funny you know? Sometimes I think I have the hang of it and BOOM here I go learning another life lesson that throws me threw a complete 180. To be honest, I was only writing in this blog only when I was feeling my absolute best. But that’s just not what life is.

The conclusion I came to is I need to show every side of me to make this blog work. Its the only way to be completely transparent. If I’m having a bad day write about it! If I’m feeling fat write about it! If my family is driving me crazy write! I love going through experiences reevaluating myself and then correcting myself. And this is the direction I would love this blog to go. So welcome back to Good Deeds Dede! I am excited to get back to you guys on things I am learning and what a better time then now.

My Review: The Manifesting Checklist

I am in this amazing group on Facebook where they give amazing tips. I mean things I had never heard of but things that made perfect sense. So, one day a girl in the group did a manifestation checklist she would write down her checklist and draw a picture next to it. I thought it was so cute and hey I am willing to give things a shot at least one time. On January 21, I made a specific list and drew tiny little cute pictures. Now when I made this list I thought I would check it every single day. And get obsessed with it. But I completely forgot about it. In March, however I took a look and boy did I cross a TON of things off.

I could not believe I checked off 5/8 items on my checklist. And the best part I had no attachment to the end result. This method truly worked for me! Now there are 3 things I am still holding out on and one that just did not happen because I put a date on it. Here’s a list of benefits that I think the manifestation wish list worked for me.

Benefits of the list

• It allowed me to focus on other desires besides just one thing. I think if you only had one desire it makes it so easy to get attached for the desires.
• I did not visualize, I honestly just let it go. It was complete detachment from the desire. I made it, I moved on, and poof it happened!
• It was amazing months later to look back and check those marks off my list. I felt like a bad ass manifestor. I literally was a manifesting queen.
• I was okay with everything coming together in perfect timing. I only put one thing with a time stamp and now looking back I wish I wouldn’t have. It limited my blessing. If I would have just let it happen in its own timing.
• DO NOT share your desires with ANYONE. The old saying goes move in silence. So, it’s best to do this list and don’t say anything to anyone. I felt like not sharing my desires made them come true.
• Do not get obsessed with if your drawing is perfect, clearly, I’m not Picasso. But the drawings, really amplified my desires. It was almost kid like and sweet. This made it not as serious and desperate. One of the main desires is not to get desperate for a desire. Instead, make a request and continue with life.
• I’m using this for my BIG desires next, I have not made a new list because I am still waiting on two desires to manifest, but WHEN they do, my next list will have all my big desires on there as well.
• All in all this checklist is the shit! And you need to try it.

I hope this helps all of you who are working on creating your dream life to make it happen. This list was honestly one of my favorite things that I have done in a long time. It was fun, required no visualization, allowed me not to be obsessed with the end result or how it would happen. I feel very blessed for this list. And can’t wait until it all comes true and I’ll you exactly how each one came true. Happy Manifesting!

I was depressed for over a year and no one noticed…

This is so funny to even talk about. No one knows that in 2014 I was at the lowest place I had ever been in my life and I pretty much kept it a secret. At this time in my life I could barely pay my bills, debt seemed to surround me, and I honestly told no one. I was embarrassed and ashamed and knew that no one could help me but here I was going to work everyday coming home and crying. No one could save me, but myself.

One day I woke up from my underpaid and heard about this book called “The Alchemist” and “The Secret” and discovered something about myself, my negative thoughts were creating my negative ass reality. I was attracting more negativity, more debt, and more unhappiness, I isolated myself so I felt lonely. This life was all on me. I couldn’t believe it. I knew NOTHING about consciously creating my own reality and at first it felt so silly! I would sit in my office and write my two weeks notice for my current job. I wrote this letter and kept it in my desk with every intention to turn it in. There was no Plan B, this job wasn’t for me, I was getting out no matter the circumstances. The next thing I would do was even close my eyes and picture my new desk. I would envision my new amazing coworkers and how I would feel paying my bills with ease and money being left over. I did this for almost 4 months, when it happened! I got a job that paid me $20,000 more dollars and I had amazing coworkers who I loved. Although I am no longer with that company this was the first thing that I manifested in my life! And it felt damn good!

In 2015, my mother was in a car accident. I did not know ANYTHING of her health condition but I instantly saw her in my head being completely healthy. I began immediately praying for her recovery and her new beginning in life. And sure enough my mother was injured but she damn sure wasn’t broken. Her health was exactly as I saw it in my head.

I created all these things and although depression WAS apart of my journey it is something that I look back on now and realize this didn’t have to continue to be apart of my life. And it no longer is. Although I am not happy all day everyday, I truly an grateful every single day. And I acknowledge that my life is everything that I have made it. If you are struggling with depression, you can change it. It could be apart of your story, but is does not have to be your ending. CHOOSE YOUR LIFE WISELY.

The perfect soulmate: YOU. Tips on being your own soulmate.

I always like to do things that feel genuine to my soul. A lot of self-healing and a lot self reflection. I hear this all the time: “why haven’t I found my man at? I want someone to love me.” The other day I really took some time to listen to someone saying this and thought to myself, how can you find your perfect soulmate? Where are they? Then it came to me, that person is right there in the mirror staring back at you.

This may sound corny and a little cliché, but how can you find your soulmate when you can’t even recognize first that you are your own soulmate. I will spend the most time with myself than ANYONE else in this world. I am always with me! There is no leaving me. So why aren’t we building ourselves first and THEN from there being truly open to our soulmate coming into our lives, once we truly love who we are. So me being me I took a look at myself on the inside to see is Deandrea the best soulmate for herself?

A reverse soulmate list

Ladies we have all done it! Wrote down our own soulmate list of our “Perfect Man”. Well for this exercise I did a soulmate 180 list. I wrote down pros and cons about me. And kept it 1000% with myself. I had a lot of pros, but I also had some cons too. My biggest flaw in myself is that sometimes I will do ANYTHING to avoid an argument. In the past, I have swept things under the rug in past relationships and when I did this, it only made small problems HUGE. I have to be aware of this and when something bothers me I need to say it. Now this doesn’t have to be an argument but standing up for yourself is important and sometimes your partner will even respect you more.

I don’t want to harp on the negative because this experience was really a positive one for me. But I am working heavily on improving my health and my body. And on my “other soulmate list” I wanted a man with a good body. Which makes no damn sense because I need to improve mines as well. So instead of harping on how I want to lose weight I changed my entire diet and hired a trainer. I want whoever this guy is to be like damn my baby is hot. Whoever you are you deserve that too. I want to be my best. But more importantly, I want to feel good about me. I want this healthier body to live longer, be healthier, and feel great about myself naked (this may sound vain but it’s my truth). So, I stare at myself and say to myself naked, I love my body exactly how it is now (I mentioned this in another post but it’s important for this one too.) I want to look good for my ultimate soulmate, which is Deandrea.

The secret is when you want something ask once, let it go.

God is always listening. He hears what you are saying. So if you are constantly saying I need a man, well baby you have now put out there that you lack a man. And lack multiplies! Simple universal law. So I have a journal and write down my thoughts. And I can’t lie when I want something so damn bad I keep being like I want this, where is it (that was that lack I was talking about) Ask for something and move onto the next thing you want. Don’t keep asking. Think of it like this, have you ever asked someone to do something, got scared they were going to forget, told them again, and then they became pissed. THE SAME THING APPLIES for asking. Don’t piss the universe off. Let that shit go.

Too often in love we are looking for someone to love us because we lack loving ourselves.

Don’t do this ladies. We need to give ourselves a pat on the back. We look good, we work hard, we deal with so much shit, and we do it all in stilettos sometimes. We are the shit! So I have lost 10 pounds and I been on myself lately. “Girl you look damn good, look at you losing weight.” Most of the time I walk past the mirror and as cheesy as it is I sing Cardi B. “Money” and the part where she says, “walking past the mirror whoo damn I’m fine.” And I be feeling it, you fine sis. And with this mentality everyone will be attracted to you. It’s the truth! We want a boyfriend or husband to build ourselves up sometimes but we aren’t building ourselves up. Sis, a man is not going to fulfill your insecurities, we have to. A man should enhance you. Relationships change, and this is fact so if your man is giving you all your self love and decides to leave, you’re in trouble sis. Be your own soulmate first.

Last but not least, don’t be so hard on yourself

My tactics may not work for you and that’s okay. But I want each and every woman, hell even man to love who they are. There is no one who is going to love you like you. The way you love yourself is going to determine how your soulmate is going to love you. Sometimes if you’re lucky you may even find someone who loves you more than you love yourself. Your soulmate search is NOT going to start with a perfect man, it is gong to start with you finding yourself. Take time, appreciate you, meditate, eat healthy, get in that gym. You are your own perfect soulmate 😊

When I am down, I aim to shine brighter

It is true, I do have down moments. I have a unique ability to see the beauty in many small things. I can say that God blessed me with that gift. I am able to capture a moment in my memory and hold onto it forever. This is the beauty of being me, moments matter. But I have down moments.

Especially being on the eve of my 30th birthday. I am not currently in a relationship, not married, and no babies. Being down can get to me sometimes. And years ago it could literally affect my entire day and sometimes it even affected who I was. I would go into hermit mode and just be by myself. Disconnected from this world because I was such a control freak. Saddened because I could not make the timeline I wanted for my life play out the way I wanted to. But here’s the thing my timeline is not God’s timeline. He has the ultimate say so. So I did what any normal person does when they can’t control things I turned to the Lord.

I meditated and started to open my eyes and realized something. I already had a good life! I have a family who adores me, a job that I enjoy, friends who I hold quality relationships with, and spirituality which many people struggle with. Why was I focusing on the fact that I did not have my happy ending at the moment that I thought I “needed” it. What I truly needed was to open my eyes. I needed to shine brighter. I needed to be a soulmate and love Deandrea better rather than pushing that on someone else to make me validated in those areas. I needed me to shine.

So in moments when I get down I use my time to help others open there eyes. I use my time to better my health and get stronger both physically and mentally. I use my life’s purpose to help other people shine and in return I shine brighter. So now when I am ready to get down instead of going into a shell I choose to shine. I choose to let me be used as God would want. I choose to focus on my life right now rather than the future. Quite simply God made me to use my light and I plan to keep letting it shine. 🙂

I love me: A February Self Love Lesson

Today I was listening to Gabi Bernstein and she had been trying since 2015 to conceive a baby. She tried and tried and it just could not happen. She was so obsessed with having a baby it just wasn’t happening for her. In 2016, it became a year where she took a break from having a baby. She took time to get to know herself, mother herself, work on herself and in 2017 she was finally ready to make a baby. But she returned to the same rat race of calendars, ovulation, forcing sex. She had to take more tine out to mother herself. This interview I watched was a year old and she still had not had a baby, so today out of curiosity, I looked and she now has a baby boy!

Which brings me to my lesson on me. Am I being a good person to myself? On Wednesday, I meditated and took some time to communicate with my spirit angels (which I have never done before). I called them in. And honestly, it was a true experience. My grandmother and father were there (God was in the background) and we truly had a conversation. Honestly, I dream about my grandma a lot and she didn’t want to leave me. But my dad told her they had work to do and they had to go back. I miss my crazy grandma so much!

I opened my eyes with tears in them. And then looked at myself. Do I love me? I have been doing this thing where I am working out with a trainer, eating healthy, and not eating sugar. But I tried something different this time on my health journey. I looked in the mirror naked and looked at my body and said to myself “I love my body at the state it is at right now.” I am refusing to not accept me RIGHT NOW. That’s where people fail with weight loss they constantly are fueled by their hate for their body rather than the love of their body. I won’t make that mistake again.

Am I a good soulmate to myself? Do I nurture myself? Do I bring out the best in me? I answered all these with a HELL YES! I do but not being in a healthy state would that be fair to a soulmate? The answer is HELL NO. It is not fair to not take care of yourself and to neglect your body. And I had my Oprah “ah-ha” moment. I am not taking care of my body. How could I be a good soulmate to myself but i don’t take care of my body. It doesn’t go together. Making my body stronger is self love. Taking care of my health is self love. We get so caught up with making our desires manifest sometimes that we forget, the little things matter. And no matter what your body is your temple! You want your outward appearance to reflect who you are on the inside. I love me now, I am a good soulmate to myself, but I got more work to do. Stay tuned.

Happy Friday babies!

Why I would never let a man financially support me

I grew up around old school mindset. That the women was supposed to be there and raise her kids and support her family and the man was the head of the household. A man was meant to financially provide and if the woman had a “decent” job (part time) that would be good enough. Now my mother never thought this was true but I have been apart of way too many conversations where this is the mindset. I’ve seen too many times where this happens and if a woman wants to leave, she can’t! Here is why I will never let a man support me.

People die

I know this is harsh, I know this is morbid, but it’s the truth. I was 9 years old when my father was killed in a car accident. Now, we did not plan on him dying AT ALL. But it happened. Now my parents were divorced but my dad did help us financially. I always thought to myself what would we have done if my mom was fully dependent on my dad for finances. We would have been homeless! I could never envision having my babies and then no way to support them.

Men leave everyday

I know when were falling in love, we just get those butterflies, we are so happy, we want to be around each other forever, we get married, we buy a house, we have babies, five years later, we get divorced! What the eff? But honestly, let keep it real. Sometimes a man can wake up and then boom we are now taking care of everything on our own. Men leave sometimes but you got to have an exit strategy for yourself (just in case it is needed). But you as  a woman have to rise up. Your babies don’t stop needing a meal just because your husband wants something “new”. And if you don’t have the skills to support yourself, it makes getting back into the workforce very difficult.

You may want to leave

This brings up a good point. You may not want to be married anymore. This person is not passionate, they irritate you just breathing, you hate waking up next to them, quite frankly you are not happy with them.  But all your financial support is with them. YOU CANNOT FORCE HAPPINESS (1 more time for my folks in the back). You may want to leave, you have to do that on your own.

To be quite honest, if I’m not committed, don’t even pay for my meal

I once had a boyfriend in college who took me out on a date. And then acted like I owed him the world. He was like well I take you out you shouldn’t be talking back. Or you should be willing to accept this because I bought you this. Ever since that boyfriend (this is my only ex that I am not cool with lol) I never even accept gifts, unless I am committed. And by committed I mean we are working on a future together. I don’t want to owe anyone anything so I would rather just pay for myself.

Ladies, what do you think? Am I being a little extra with this one?

What the birth of my niece means to my family

My niece was born October 2nd, 2018. She was small but so beautiful in many ways. I had probably never laid eyes on such a beautiful baby in my life! I look at her now and think how can such a small human being mean so much to a family.  But she means everything. She literally makes the room shift with just the smile on her face. My niece will grow to be a young lady one day. She will eventually walk, talk, scream, have feelings, express herself, love, get her feelings hurt. But right now her being a baby is the most sweetest and precious thing I have ever seen in my life.

Something has always been missing from our family since 1999. And to be honest, I was starting to feel like we would never find out what that something actually was. My father passed and although my niece’s birth does not take his spot, but I think my niece was the missing link to making our family a whole again. I don’t really know who my niece is going to be as of today, but right now, she is the glue that brings my family together. I have never met a more innocent and sweet soul. We are beyond excited to have you in our family Niyah. And I hope I can be the best aunt that I know how to be and not spoil you very much. We love you babygirl!

Don’t look for me in your corner, I’m not there

Let me make one thing clear….

Before I go in on this post let me make this clear out of all the exes and guys I have dated, I AM ONLY COOL WITH 2! The rest of you can fall at the wayside. It’s not that I am bitter or upset but we’re honestly just not friends but then again you weren’t my friend in the first place. And for the record there is nothing wrong with not being friends, it’s life.

Today was supposed to be about all the positive things going on  in my life and to discuss my amazing birthday. But it will have to wait until tomorrow. I had someone in my past (and he will stay there) pop up and leave me a voicemail. This was someone who couldn’t make up his mind about what he wanted and one day I woke up and decided I wouldn’t speak to him anymore. Now to be fair I don’t ghost people and I did give him an explanation and told him why I couldn’t see him anymore.

A woman should not have to lead a man

It’s pretty embarrassing that for some reason men (NOT ALL FELLAS) are unable to lead in relationships but still think they would make good quality husbands. Let’s be honest fam, you don’t even really  qualify as a good boyfriend. A woman looks for those leaderships qualities in man VERY early on when getting to know a man. If she doesn’t see that no matter how fine you are or how good you are in bed, she won’t be interested in getting to know you further. In most cases a woman won’t contact you anymore and block you on every social media she follows you on but I like to help men. So I give solid ass feedback. Kind of like the Dede Exit Interview, but I just do all of the talking. You catch my drift fam? We are not interested in you if you can’t lead.

I don’t owe you anything

Skraight like that. I don’t. When I am truly locked in and committed to a person I want to be with, I go hard for them. I want to support their dreams. And they don’t have to ask me to do anything I’ll want to do those things on my own. If we are just getting to know each other, I don’t owe you shit. And that’s not being mean that is me being honest. Saying “Hi” and “Hey” when you are messaging me is going way above being nice in my eyes. Because most women would just leave you on read and ignore.  But saying “hi” is going above and beyond.

Just because I am a woman and you decide you want something more serious, I’m not jumping at the opportunity.  Some of you fellas have the wrong expectation, women don’t wait at your beckon call! We have lives and busy ones at that too! We have goals and things we want to accomplish. Just because I am 29 and not married, I’m not bowing everytime you feel like saying hello, miss me with that shit. And now that you’re ready to do something I should be like this, “Oh yes king you are wonderful and you are the one for me, I’m so sorry what happened years ago.” (this was sarcasm). I am a woman not an idiot. I owe you NOTHING. If I want to give more of myself, that is a privilege. And when I’m done with a person I am done. There is no second chances, no second guessing. You showed me who you were, I didn’t like it, and I said goodbye. I wasn’t placed here on earth to have a partner I settled with just because I’m getting older. Period. I owe you nothing. And do me the hugest favor fam.

The next time you think of doing something like this do me a favor: Don’t look for me in your corner, I am not there.